Δευτέρα, 18 Ιανουαρίου 2016

The anatomy of fat thinking/ The anatomy of a fat man’s thinking


Hello! Today I will introduce you to a person who may sound familiar. Are you wondering who? It‘s a person that wants to lose some weight. This person comes from real life. Let’s call him with my name, though, Thanasis. The physical characteristics may differ but what matters is the statement of truth.
I am 30 years old and I weigh 120 kg.
When I was 19, I used to be an athlete, around 80 kg, who had sentimental inquiries. Soon, I changed place of residence as I entered the university. Radical changes came to my life; new habits and different time distribution to name just a few. To make the long story short, when I was a freshman, I gained 15 kg. During the second year, I added 10 more while by the end of the fourth year I had already reached 120 kg. I couldn’t recognize myself. When I was visiting my parents, every now and then, they would look at me with bewilderment. I was looking for the right time to deal with the “weight issue”.
Time was passing by though, and after my graduation I returned home and started looking for a job but all I found was rejection as all my potential employers were taking a good top-to-bottom look at me. I wanted to get a job; to make my own living and find at last the answer to my problem. I had lost valuable time. It had been five years since I gained weight. All these years I kept telling myself that I would soon deal with this problem once and for all, because this was not me. Eventually, I found a job and I started saving money. However, I kept putting solving my problem off. It’s so damned hard to change habits. I didn’t even know the reason why. Maybe it’s because it is boring. Finally, I made up my mind.  This time I will make it. I will try to lose weight on my own. I will start walking as well. Some suggested I buy a “magic” beverage. So, I bought it. I also downloaded a special diet from the internet that suited me (roast food and salads). Now, it’s time for application. I’m on the fifth day of the diet and I’ m bored, not to mention that I’m starving to death. You can’t beat this feeling by no means. I skipped walking today. It takes time to lose weight and I need results right now. I can’t stand waiting. I will download a stricter diet. It will be good for me. I will starve a little bit more. So what? Eating gave me nothing but weight anyway.  It’s the eighth day today. I’ m still hungry and I feel dizzy. How can my organism resist even though he knows that I‘ve got a lot to lose? Why doesn’t he let me lose the excess weight? Why does he make me feel hungry? Is it him the one that takes revenge or me? In M’s party, I lost control. I spoilt the diet; I ate ice cream and a lot of meat and a double portion of carbonara and I can’t really recall what else. It had been a long time since I had eaten that much.
For two weeks, I had been eating so much that not only did I gain all the “lost” weight back but I got a bonus of 5 kg. However, I kept drinking the beverage but since I was devouring everything it was pointless. As this was not enough, my new walking habit lasted only for four days. Although I am quite meticulous, I didn’t really think of the reasons of me dropping out. It was probably to protect myself.  But why can’t I lose weight since it’s not mine? Six months went by without even noticing it. I gained two more kilos. Something has been bothering me about my weight again. I read somewhere about a special diet followed by patients abroad. I downloaded that one too. This time I am unstoppable. On the third day of application, I started living the same old story. Dead end! What is the solution? Shows, magazines, scientists, dieticians, advice, advertisements. Obesity.  Confusion, stress, another year lost, 7 years in general and numerous questions. I had downloaded many diets until I realized that I had to go to a dietician.
It is the third week of my nutrition program (that is the correct term my dietician says) and I think it is working pretty well. I have already lost 4 kg and I feel great. The program is not that demanding. It includes many meals during the day and I am not hungry anymore. It is the eighth week of the program and I have already lost 9 kg. It‘s not that bad but I wish it was faster. During weeks 12 and 13, I remain stable. It is holidays. Nobody can resist in the temptations of the holidays. It is the first time I have ever cancelled any appointment. I have eaten too much; so if I go on that scale I will be very disappointed. I’m not as careful as I was in the beginning. And I have stopped losing weight. To be honest, I don’t follow my dietician’s advice thoroughly. I called my appointment off again. I feel that I am prolonging my problem and I know it’s not right. I am trying to convince myself asking questions like “if you had some kind of heart problem, would you postpone the solution for the future?” I wish obesity wasn’t a silent problem and that it would demand an immediate solution. Another week of deviation and I’m thinking of ways to avoid the scale again.   I can’t cancel it again. It’s not right. I should say I’m sick; be diplomatic. I know it’s not right but it’s relieving.
The initial 9 kg dropped to 6 and I am in a dead end again. I guess the distractors that push me away from my target are far more than the stimuli to continue. And I made such a damned good start… The dietician helped me come closer to my goal; more than any other method ever did….. I guess that if it was faster it would also be better. I cancelled my appointment four times using silly excuses…I suppose he knew that I was lying but what could he say? He knows… I called to tell him that we would stop our collaboration and that I would call him after the holidays. It has been a year since then. I lost 6 kg but I have regained 10. Now, I keep thinking what huge mistake this decision was. If only I could turn back time…


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